Anthropomorphic Woes

Strike Witches-fanfic. An insanity fic. Eila wakes up to a surprise, and chaos ensues.
(Eila/Sanya)

Read Anthropomorphic Woes

Disclaimer: All things Strike Witches belong to Gonzo and a bunch of others, though I’m sure I’m not hurting anything by borrowing them for a bit.




Anthropomorphic Woes
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by Carola “Ryûchan” Eriksson





“So let me get this straight,” Sakamoto sounded both stern and disbelieving. “you did not bring those things to bed with you, yet you woke up with them sleeping on you?”

It was entirely possible that Sakamoto was just a trifle cranky because Eila in her surprise had yelled the entire building awake upon making the discovery. As it was everyone was gathered in the living room in various states of undress, eyeing the pale girl sitting in one of the couches with a surprisingly happy little smile on her face as she cuddled two tiny bundles close.

“Forget that, what I want to know is why she had little Sanya in bed with her, wearing THAT!” The increasingly agitated Barkhorn pointed at the pale young Orussian, more precisely at the very tiny and delicate underwear that was now at least somewhat covered by one of Eila’s large shirts. “Explain yourself Juutilainen!”

“What? You make it sound like I’ve done something!” Eila protested vehemently, her face already pink at the implication. “That’s just what Sanya wears!”

“Mmhmm...” Hartmann agreed, causing Eila to nod fervently before she noticed the rather lecherous grin the blonde ace was sporting. “And such a fine sight it is, too.” She leaned over a bit to be better able to peer down Sanya’s front.

“DON’T LOOK AT SANYA LIKE THAT! GAAAAAAAHHH!” The easily incensed and jealous would-be lover was quickly chasing her laughing team-mate across the room, determined to make sure no impure eyes fell upon her precious one.

Hartmann however made a dash back toward Sanya’s couch and landed with her head in the young girl’s lap, looking up at her surprised face with an insolent and somewhat flirty smirk. “Hi there.”

Eila’s responding roar was almost primal in nature, and she dived after still giggling woman with murderous intent. Barkhorn scooped them both up as they tried to pass her, one rioting girl held in each hand with Hartmann just out of Eila’s reach. “LET GO, LET ME KILL HER!”

“Stop this right now!” Sakamoto barked, succeeding in making the two blondes quieten down. “This is not the point, what we need to discuss is...”

While the others in the room obeyed Sakamoto’s command Minna did not appear to even listen and instead leaned over to Sanya. “I’ve been meaning to ask you, could you tell me where you shop for those lovely...”

“Minna!” Sakamoto complained “Please pay attention! We should try to find out about these, these...”

“Babies.” Sanya stated in a quiet but absolutely certain voice, snuggling the two tiny bundles closer.

Silence followed the statement for a moment, then:

“Juutilainen!” The group’s acting big sister was not pleased.

“For heaven’s sake Barkhorn, what do you want me to say? They were sleeping on us when I woke up this morning, I don’t know how they got there!”

“Well they didn’t get there by themselves.” Sakamoto added, glancing at the bundles in question. “The mother must be somewhere nearby.”

A slender pale hand waved while the other held a careful grip on its fragile cargo. “Here.”

Another lapse of silence.

“Erm... Sanya,” Minna began carefully. “what do you mean exactly when you say..:”

“I am the mama.” Sanya bestowed a kiss on each fuzzy head, smiling softly. “Yes. I am your mama.”

Everyone gaped at her, Eila went very pale, and Barkhorn’s face grew dark.

“JUUTILAINEN!”

Eila scrambled back from the forbidding and faintly glowing woman. “H-hey, I don’t know why she’s saying that, but really... just what are you saying that I have done? Think... about it...”

Eila’s protests faded to the sight of Sanya getting up from the couch to walk over to where Eila and Barkhorn were standing, her self-proclaimed babies in her arms.

“Kiss your papa hello.” Sanya told the bundles and held them both up to Eila’s face. Obediently twin mewling sounds were heard, and two tiny faces gave Eila’s cheeks a wobbly and wet nuzzling.

“P-p-p-p-p...” After the initial moment of frozen shock Eila took on an appearance remarkably similar in colour and radiance to that of an active Neuroi core. “p-papa?”

Seeing Sanya cuddle her babies and look up at her with absolute adoration instantly stopped Eila’s heart. Fortunately the even more agitated Barkhorn shook it back into order when she grabbed Eila by the front of her top and started yanking at her roughly.

“PAPA? Juutilainen! Take responsibility for what you have done!”

“B-but, but...” Eila’s arms flailed about even more than she did from Barkhorn’s manhandling. “exactly how are you suggesting I would have been able to father anything?”

“And even if I could, my babies would not be KITTENS!”

“Little Saila looks like Eila.” Sanya told Lynette and Yoshika whom had come closer to admire the cute little balls of fluff. “She has her eyes.”

“Oh you’re right!” Lynette cooed at the yawning and blinking black kitten. “She has blue eyes.”

“And look, she has a white spot at the end of her tail, just like Eila-san.” Yoshika added, carefully petting a tiny head. “What is the other one called, Sanya-chan?”

“My... eyes?” Eila’s protests were beginning to drain both in strength and volume. “How can a cat have my eyes?”

“Her name is Ilyana.” Completely ignoring Eila Sanya shifted the white kitten with black-tipped ears gently. “Her eyes are green like mine.”

“Juutilainen, what kind of soldier are you! Take responsibility I tell you!”

“...”

“They are adorable.” Minna admired the kittens while discreetly keeping the slightly over-eager Lucchini from getting close enough to simply grab the ‘babies’ and make a run for it.

“Alright, ALRIGHT! If you can find a priest that will marry a fourteen-year-old girl to a fifteen-year-old girl then I will GLADLY take responsibility, okay?” Eila managed to brush Barkhorn’s hands off her clothes. “In fact it’d be my honour to raise a whole litter of kittens together with Sanya.”

She huffed as she turned away, only to find herself face to face with a blushing yet beautifully smiling Sanya. The openly loving look directed at her from the slightly blushing younger girl instantly turned Eila into steaming pink-tinted goo, and all else just fell away. “Saaanyaaa....”

Barkhorn grunted in approval and nodded. “Good soldier. Leave the arrangements to us.”

Sanya carefully placed her precious babies in Yoshika’s arms, giving the suddenly solemn girl a look that warned her that Sanya was trusting her with the little ones so she had better take good care of them. Yoshika gulped and nodded wordlessly before Sanya turned back to the still spaced-out Eila.

“Eila?” Sanya both looked and sounded shy despite the fact that she had just slipped herself into Eila’s unresisting arms and wrapped her own around the taller girl’s neck. “Would you really marry me?”

Still mostly lost in her magical fluffy Sanya-world Eila forgot to deny it or otherwise be contrary. “Yeah... I would...”

With that Sanya smiled happily, got up on her toes slightly, tilted her head, and proceeded to kiss Eila like there was no tomorrow.

Most of the other girls present politely turned the other way, letting Eila and Sanya have their moment at least somewhat to themselves.

“At least the kittens will have a loving family.” Lynette giggled, causing Yoshika to giggle along with her. Barkhorn nodded her approval once more but did not comment.

Hartmann lit up in a fiendish look, rubbing her hands. “Alright! Who wants to have babies?” She zeroed in on the startled Lynette, making a playful charge at her with outstretched arms. “Lynne, have my baby!”

With a gasp and a very angry look Perrine dashed forward to put her arms around Lynette and yank her out of Hartmann’s way. “You idiot! Can you never behave?” She scolded Hartmann angrily, not realizing that she continued to hold on to the blushing but pleased-looking Lynette. “Honestly, for a Karlsland soldier I think you must be defective!”

Grinning unrepentantly Hartmann shrugged and turned to another victim. “Shirley! Have bitty bunny babies with me!”

The red-headed Liberion just laughed when the blonde glomped her ample cleavage, and only more so when Lucchini joined in, jealously swatting Hartmann away from her favourite toys. “Nah, I think the two of you can have my babies instead.”

Outraged once more over the behaviour of her younger comrade Barkhorn was about to step in and give Hartmann an earful about the way a soldier of Karlsland should conduct herself, but she was effectively stopped when a pair of arms slipped around her and a warm, curvaceous body pressed up against her back. Mind suddenly short-circuited Barkhorn froze in place.

“’Trude,” A warm and sultry voice breathed into her ear. “would you like to have puppies with me?”

A small distance away Sakamoto ducked behind a startled Yoshika, peering fearfully at Minna from her hiding place.

Hearing no protests from the immobilized woman Minna took that for an approval, and while smiling and humming happily pulled the stumbling brunette out of the room by the hand.

Taking that cue the others began drifting out of the room as well, apart from the couple that was still quite enthusiastically kissing one another.

“I am Yoshika, sort of an aunt to you I guess.” Yoshika spoke quietly to the kittens as she started to make her way out of the room. “You will be staying with me for a little while.”

She glanced back at her embracing friends and giggled. “Maybe for more than just a little while.”

Sakamoto shook her head and sighed.

“...I really just wanted to know how they got here...”