A Love That Is Mine 1

Strike Witches-fanfic. A small story of love lost and found, from Minna's point of view.
First part of a series of short stories.
(onesided Minna/Mio, Minna/Barkhorn)

Read A Love That Is Mine 1

Disclaimer: All things Strike Witches belong to Gonzo and a bunch of others, though I’m sure I’m not hurting anything by borrowing them for a bit.

First part in a series of short stories on the same theme.



A Love That Is Mine
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by Carola “Ryûchan” Eriksson





You were not my first love.

I had loved before you, and I had done so deeply and happily. When that love ended in heartbreak from the horrors of war it was too much for me to take, and I hid this bleeding heart of mine away behind walls and masks. No-one was allowed to enter into that inner sanctum, no matter how close my friends and comrades were or how well I loved them.

You snuck up on me unawares, slipped past my defences so slowly and surely that I never noticed it until it was too late to protect this vulnerable core of me from the force of nature that is you.

The irony of it all is that you never noticed. To you we were, are, shall ever be, close and steadfast friends and no more. We grew together as a unit, our joint leadership fusing us together in ways I have often in my mind likened to the way a married couple grows together over time; I have heard us described as the kind mother and the stern but benevolent father to our group of young warrior girls, and it has suggested to me that perhaps I was not the only one to draw this parallel.

How many times over the years that span our togetherness have I, consciously and not, likened what you do and what you are to me to that of a husband? It was but an amused observation at first, a comment to myself regarding the utter loyalty which you gave me so freely, but somewhere, sometime when I let my guard down for just a moment, you stepped in and took his place in my dreams. Those sweet forbidden dreams in which I no longer dreamt of him as my husband but of you, tall and strong and smiling, holding me as we danced in a world where war and painful things had no place.

Those dreams in which you were mine.

In troubled times you were my only counsel, and I know you in ways no-one else does. I flat out refused to love you for the longest time, as if I could simply will the emotions away, did you know that? I did not want to love, did not want to open myself to such pain ever again.

In the end I could not deny it though, such things always come to the surface one way or the other. It was too late by then, for me, for us; you looked at me with warmth, compassion and sympathy, yes even pity, and in your silence confirmed that you knew and did not feel the same. By then I knew it too, that your heart had been claimed as unexpectedly as mine, but I needed this moment for my weakness. I needed to know that you acknowledged me, and to see your back when you turned and walked away.

I shall always love you, I know this much. There is a sacred place in my heart where I have enshrined my feelings for you, and they will remain there, pristine and evergreen, forever. But I have moved on, and my heart is no longer the bleeding and useless thing it was before I loved you. Though it frightens me greatly, I am ready to love and be loved, and for this I thank you. You were what I needed when I needed you.

Although it still stung somewhat right after my heart had been laid open and so gently yet firmly been rejected, I was filled with a sense of starting fresh, like a morning after a night of rain. The heavy clouds that had shrouded my eyes had cleared, and I could see clearly now.

At long last I could see her, well and truly. For so long she had been one of my closest friends and allies, second only to you although there was an ocean of difference in that small step alone, and I can honestly say that I have loved her dearly all this time. It was not the love I once held for him, now so coloured in pain that I cannot recall its original flavour, nor was it the struggling reluctant love that pierced my heart and made me ache when I looked at you, and in honesty I think it shall never be like that.

I was unprepared for it when I found myself looking at her and was immersed in a flood of warmth, soft and soothing and filling every part of my being, making me feel more genuinely joyful and complete than I had in so very long. You are similar in many ways, like you she is strong and stoic on the surface yet so very sweet beneath, but the way I feel about her is not at all similar to how I felt for you. With you I wanted you to hold me, I longed for the safety of being in your arms. With her I long to hold her, to wrap my arms around her and find those small, gentle and peaceful moments together.

I am grateful to you for that. Had you not opened my heart I would not be able to love her now, and loving her is something I can envision myself doing for my future. She doesn’t know it yet, she is not quite ready for me yet, but I am patient and do not mind the wait. The signs are already there, in her shy glances, her blushes and her warm smiles. It won’t be long at all until I will find her looking back at me, with eyes that hold only love and acceptance. Soon she will reach out for me for no other reason than to touch me, to hold my hand, and until then I shall savour the sensation of this sweet falling.

You were not my first love, nor will you be my last.

We shared a time in our lives that shall always be important to me, and you set me free. I will never regret my love for you, and I shall always be grateful that our time together allows me to love her, to accept her and whatever our future might have in store for us. I wish you the same freedom and hope for your happiness, though I suspect that it will be thrust upon you whether you would accept it or not.

As for myself, I step forward stronger and more complete than before. I am confident that I can take what the future holds for me, filled with anticipation as I am for the day very soon when I will finally know the warmth of another’s heart.

The day when I will finally have a love that is truly mine.