(Eila/Sanya)
Read The One That Loves You
Disclaimer: All things Strike Witches belong to Gonzo and a bunch of others, though I’m sure I’m not hurting anything by borrowing them for a bit.
As I write this I’m up to episode 10 of the series, also this will have a second part/sequel.
The One That Loves You
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by Carola “Ryûchan” Eriksson
Honestly, everything about you is so unexpected. When we first met I never expected that you would become so important to me. That I would spend my days and nights taking care of you, or that our lives would be so inexplicably intertwined.
I never expected to fall in love with you.
How quickly and readily my life, my very being, moulded itself around you. I didn’t even notice it at the time, it felt like the most natural thing in the world, being with you. We gravitate towards and around one another, bound together with ties that go deeper than I think even we ourselves can fully understand yet.
I have wondered sometimes what you are thinking and feeling about us. I have never asked though. You are so young and we have time for you to realise for yourself how we are all but lovers already... or so I used to think. Perhaps I was just making excuses for not making my feelings clear to you and risk rejection, maybe I was just afraid all along.
Don’t you see me Sanya? I am the one that always stands next to you.
Until recently I thought that you needed me, that you sought me out, sought my help, my care, my companionship. It seemed to me that you were helpless without me, that you were so needy and required me to dote on you just to get through everyday life. That you needed me to help you with the mundane little things, washing, clothing, keeping you fed... you even find your way into my bed at night, as if you can’t stand to be apart for even that long.
How wrong I was. It isn’t you who are the needy one, the one that sought me out, oh no. It was always the reverse.
I stay beside you because there is nowhere else in the world I would rather be. Where you go I follow, like the ocean follows the moon. I wonder, do you even notice me, trailing your steps?
Everything changed when she came. I didn’t even pay that much attention to her, she was just a new recruit, the new kid, young and cute and terribly naïve. If anything I think I considered her the Major’s girl, seeing as how the two of them seemed to have gotten rather close pretty fast. That was before she was put on night duty with the two of us.
Miyafuji is a sweet girl, I can’t refute that, and she is very likeable too. Somewhat dense about some things, I think, and for all her gifts and her growing skill she’s not a soldier. It might not always be very apparent but I am every bit as much an ingrained soldier as Barkhorn or Major Sakamoto herself, for all that I sometimes play the part of the rogue – the military mindset and its discipline are imprinted into my spine.
Of course you can always make me lose my cool.
Miyafuji reached out to you, and to my shock and horror, charmed you completely. Do you think that I do not notice how you smile and blush in response to her? That I do not see you following her with your gaze, or how differently you react to her? Of course I do, I notice everything about you.
Each time it cuts a little deeper into my heart, and I bleed a little more.
I’ve struggled with it, but ultimately there is one thing that must always be true: I am the one that loves you, that would do anything for you. Even if that means seeing you find happiness with someone else.
So I’ve tried to make her pay attention to you when I can. I could sing your praise for hours and it would not mean as much as a single encouraging word from her, I realise that. It hurts, of course it does, but at least I do what I can. She’ll notice soon, you’ll see.
You have rivals for her attention, amazingly enough. I’ll never understand how anyone can look at the wonder that is you and then see anything else at all, but although it angers me a little, I suppose Miyafuji can’t help that she is that dense. With women throwing themselves at her left and right – or rather yanking at her I suppose – it might not be easy to notice your interest while you remain quiet and unmoving.
I’ll encourage you, if you can overcome just a little of your shyness there is no way she or anyone else could avoid noticing you. Once she sees you, truly sees you, she can’t help but fall at your feet. Who can?
I’m a fool, of course. Just a fool would try to get the girl she loves together with someone else. It is not like it didn’t occur to me though, that doing nothing, letting Miyafuji get yanked around by those other girls until one of them made an honest claim, would mean that I did not have to lose you. But you see, I could not bear for you to be in pain, or worse, cry over her.
Should the day arrive that you came to me crying over her, I would probably lose it altogether. I don’t doubt that I would beat Miyafuji to a bloody pulp for hurting you, regardless of the repercussions. Ha, I wonder what would happen first, Sakamoto and Barkhorn beating me into a pale smear on the runway, or the Commander having me drawn and quartered? Not that it would matter.
What then would I do if things go your way and Miyafuji loves you? Would I be able to take it, to watch you two together, to watch you with her doing all the things we used to and more? All while I continue on, alone and without you. Am I that strong?
No. I’m not, I know that. I would probably end up locking myself into my room when not on duty, except that would only make me feel worse wouldn’t it? After all, your presence is in everything in here; that is your mug, your chair... your side of the bed.
You always sneak into my bed at the end of your duty shift, and I’ve always pretended to grumble and say that it was ‘only for today’, though never so that you could hear me. I still say that, though these days I say it directed at myself; it is only for today that you are with me, only for today that you are next to me, warm, beautiful and breathtaking.
The thought that tomorrow you might be in someone else’s bed, someone else’s arms, just kills me and I can’t breathe. Nothing in this world could ever hurt as much as losing you.
Except... it was just a dream, wasn’t it? You were never mine. But you know, Sanya? If ever you would look to me, if you could ever consider me...
I would be yours. Completely.
2 comments:
So...I realize this is from 2008. I'm surprised not much attention has been garnered by your Strike Witches fanfictions--they're great! Especially the Eila/Sanya ones. I know I'm, what, 5 years late, but you should really know you have my complete support in terms of writing!
I have to say: I really love the detailed descriptions you've thrown out there. I can plainly see, without my over-analyzing goggles, that Eila wants, no, needs Sanya. She tries to accept the fact that Sanya is viable to be taken away by anyone but is pleading in a very nonvocal way that says "Please, Sanya! I'm here!"
Also, now that it's 2013, I can officially say "You did it!" You've successfully foreshadowed Eila's inability to give up her beloved Sanya.
SEASON 2 SPOILER AHEAD: Particularly in episode 6, despite knowing she hadn't had any shield-deploying experience in actual combat, Eila insisted on protecting Sanya herself instead of letting Miyafuji, who was practically known as the worldwide shield expert.
At first, she tried to accept that she could not protect Sanya ("It's impossible. As I thought, you can't force what you aren't used to doing.") but as she watched Miyafuji and Sanya being deployed up into space, she made brief eye contact with Sanya. Something in Sanya's look made her think 'I have to do this.' And then, completely unprepared, she rushed after the pair.
"I don't want to give up. I...I'll protect you!"
All in all, we now know Yoshika is an Eila/Sanya shipper at heart. I look forward to the day you start pumping out Strike Witches fanfictions again...perhaps in anticipation for our announced season 3?
Loleus,
Why thank you! I’m so happy to hear that you liked my Strike Witches fics! (and I know I am very late in replying, too, but I have been ill a lot this past year and a half, and, well, haven’t replied to things)
How nice that Eila comes across to you pretty much the way I see her. And yes, I agree, that particular episode in season two was a beautiful look at how desperately Eila loves her Sanya and needs to be there for her. Thankfully (and amusingly) that episode also proves quite clearly that it isn’t a one-sided thing, that Sanya just as desperately wants and needs Eila by her side. (She’s quite the huffy girlfriend there for a while) Also, how wonderful it was to find that the boobmonster, err, Yoshika is a full-fledged Eila/Sanya shipper. ^__^
Apart from that though – and the drunken Mio/buttcracking Minna bits – I have to admit that I didn’t really like season two. The movie though, I _loved_ that, and I sincerely hope that when a third season comes it will be far more like season one and that movie than season two. And they really, really need to find a way for Mio to get her powers back so she can fly.
I’d love to be able to write more again, to have both health and inspiration agree, and I would in particular love to write more Strike Witches.
Thanks for reading my stories, and lets both keep our fingers crossed for season three.
/Ryûchan
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