Light on the Water

Kurau Phantom Memory fanfic. Thoughts and feelings from Kurisumasu's point of view, as well as an ending.
(Kurau/Kurisumasu)

Read Light on the Water

Disclaimer: Kurau Phantom Memory belongs to me... uhm, ok, so that was a lie... frankly, I’m not sure who owns the series, although I think ADV films have the license for the US or something such. *ahem* Forgive my ignorance. Also, this is set right at the end of the series.



Light on the Water
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by Carola “Ryûchan” Eriksson




The fireflies glowed and danced over the surface of the mountain lake under dark and star-strewn skies at the late hour, all humans in the nearby house deep in slumber and missing out on this precious dance of light that took place close by. Another woman would have thought it looked like the stars themselves had come down from the heavens to play and frolic above the water’s dark mirror, but not Kurisumasu.

No, Kurisumasu, pulled towards the swirling lights as if by aching invisible strings, thought nothing of stars as the lights beckoned her to join them. Instead her sorrow and her longing, that which she struggled so hard to keep in check during the day, strained against the cage of her chest, threatening to tear her apart.

The young black-haired woman stood for a moment at the edge of the tiny landing where her uncle’s rowboat lay anchored, then pale bare feet left the edge of the wooden planks and Kurisumasu joined the dancing lights, her own light a bright, welcoming glow that danced gently among the tiny flecks.

For Kurisumasu was not human. No matter what she did or how much she tried, this fact would not change... Kurisumasu was still, and always would be, a Rynax creature, for all she was in this vast world of humans.

Tears made their way down glowing cheeks, the tears that she no longer allowed herself to shed during the day but that had in truth never dried during all these years. Kurisumasu was... alone.

The glowing woman doubled over in her swirling dance, the pain in her chest just too much for her to take. Alone. She was Rynax and she was alone. A Rynax cannot exist alone, yet here she was, the only Rynax that still remained in the world of man. Kurisumasu bit her lip trying not to scream her pain.

Around her floated the fireflies, their luminous flight so reminiscent of her own kind, of the true form of Rynax as tiny, ever-glowing, ever-dancing points of light in the vast world hidden within the tiniest of building blocks that made this world. Eternally dancing in the embrace of their Pair.

Kurisumasu floated higher, nearly breaking from the twirling lights of the fireflies, turning her face towards the pale light of the full moon. She reached out her arms as if to embrace it, yet it was not that pale satellite that she saw. A broken whisper left full lips and quivered in night air, the only sound in this little universe of light.

“Kurau”

Kurisumasu’s Pair. Her Pair, her partner, her twin, her soul, her mate... there existed no single word in any human tongue that could hope to accurately describe what Kurau was to her. Humans had no words because they could not grasp this, not really understand what it was to be one entity divided into two sentient parts, but there were those that tried, friends that tried to understand and sympathise with Kurisumasu’s pain. She loved them all the more for it, and in return she only showed them her smiling face.

But inside Kurisumasu was always crying. She had been doing that ever since that night ten years ago, when her Pair, her beloved, her Kurau... left this vast world without her.

Even as the humans around her, those she considered friends and family, rejoiced as the threat of Rynax left this world along with her precious Kurau, the small child Kurisumasu had been then had broken down in such deep and uncontrollable tears that her friends had feared she would do herself damage. She had been escorted back here, to this small mountain valley and to her aunt and uncle, in the hopes that their love would help her heal.

Kurisumasu had agreed with the decision, not merely because she loved her aunt and uncle dearly, although she did, but also because it was far away from... her. Other-Kurau, the human woman who bore the name and the face of Kurisumasu’s lost beloved yet nothing of her spirit. Other-Kurau was not a bad person, far from it, the woman had in fact even taken the time to visit or write to Kurisumasu upon occasion, to see how she fared in the world on her own, but the visits were too painful. To see another soul look at her through the blue eyes where love had always lived before was just too much for Kurisumasu, and Other-Kurau respected that.

Kurisumasu felt both relieved and grateful for this measure of understanding, and although now, ten years later, little remained in Other-Kurau’s features that were truly that reminiscent of Kurisumasu’s Kurau, it would still be too painful to see. Father, on the other hand, Kurisumasu had been sad to notice kept no contact with his supposed ‘second daughter’, presumably too pleased with having his real, human, child back and opting to forget all about the pain of the last twenty years caused all by his experiments.

She did not fault him, it was understandable that he would and Kurisumasu had as loving parents as she could ever have wished for in her aunt and uncle, and these mountains where her Kurau had played as a child were dear to her. Kurisumasu did not lack for friends in this world, both near and far, Dag even going so far as to come visit her every now and again to see how she was doing and to speak of Kurau. He had perhaps seen the most of their shared life, hers and Kurau, and understood somewhat more of Kurisumasu’s hidden pain than others did, of that she was certain.

Dag often brought his son along for these visits, Ted, which Kurisumasu had always welcomed as a child as the boy became a treasured friend as well, but the young woman found a source of... concern. As children they had played together, and somewhere along the line she had gotten used to calling him her boyfriend as a joke. It had seemed a harmless joke, her family knew well the impossibility of the concept, as did Dag, as did most certainly Kurisumasu herself... she had thought Ted did as well, but somehow it seemed he had forgotten as they grew older.

It was with a sense of guilt that Kurisumasu had asked, somewhat awkwardly, her friend Dag to explain to his son what she somehow had once again failed to convey; that although Kurau was not with her, Kurisumasu would eternally belong to her and her alone regardless. She felt guilty for the concept that Ted would develop stronger feelings for her had never crossed her mind, and yet Kurisumasu herself had on several occasions used the pretence of Ted to ward off admirers in her little village that would otherwise have shown more friendliness than Kurisumasu was entirely comfortable with.

How could they ever hope to understand that all of Kurisumasu’s love, her hopes, her dreams, even her very self, had gone from the world together with a tiny dying light torn forcibly from Kurau’s human form after saving the world ten years ago? Could they ever comprehend the reason that Kurisumasu was still alive when death had seemed the only end to her pain was that she had taken that flickering light into her own chest before it could vanish completely, and that somewhere in the vastness of the world within herself, her beloved Pair, Kurisumasu’s Kurau, lay sleeping deeply, leaving Kurisumasu with the faint hope that one day before Kurisumasu’s human life was over Kurau would awaken, restored, and come back to her.

Ten years had passed since then. Ten years during which Kurisumasu had been alone, not even able to sense a trace of Kurau’s presence within.

A Rynax that loses its Pair invariably goes insane and dies. That was the truth as she had learned it alongside Kurau in those days. And yet Kurau had withstood ten years of solitude before Kurisumasu had awakened into the world and she had, although lonely, not been damaged... Kurisumasu felt she had no right to complain that she had waited for ten years for Kurau also, and she did her best to put on a brave face and endure, but it was getting to be so difficult.

So very difficult. Kurisumasu did not know how much longer she could withstand this without ending her pain one way or the other.

Tears dripped from her cheeks to send tiny ripples across the lake as Kurisumasu scrunched up to hold her knees tight to her chest while sinking in the air until the hem of her thin white nightgown brushed the water’s surface. She allowed herself to fall back until she lay prone in the air just above the water, the fireflies dancing above her now dimming light.

Inside Kurisumasu’s soul screamed with such desperation she could taste it in the back of her mouth, and sobs wracked her slender form.

“Come back to me Kurau”

Kurisumasu closed her eyes to the light and wept as the heartbroken child she had been that time had done, her entire body shaking violently with each deep-wracked sob.

She did not see her own light flicker and twist until it suddenly flared brightly.

She did not see how the light drew together to one incredibly brilliant point just above her chest.

Kurisumasu could however not miss the sensation that had her slender back arch until her long black hair kissed the water’s surface as that brilliant point of light wrestled itself free of her.

This feeling. She knew this feeling.

Coming upright to face the light Kurisumasu was wordlessly weeping once more although the tears were not grieving ones, she watched in unbridled joy as it grew in intensity and size until... the light faded to match her own, and there she was.

Kurau, naked and glowing, looking exactly as she had ten years earlier, tall and strong, her black hair short and her smile open and friendly, and... the most important thing of all... those blue eyes looked at Kurisumasu with all the love of the world brimming in them. Kurisumasu felt her soul become whole again.

“I’m sorry I’ve kept you waiting, Kurisumasu.” The warm, somewhat deeper-pitched voice washed over Kurisumasu as a caress to her heart and a promise to heal. “I’m home now.”

With a strangled sound halfway between a sob and a laugh Kurisumasu threw herself into Kurau’s arms, clinging to her desperately, needing the warmth and the strong embrace right then to reassure her of what she already knew. Kurau was with her again. While hiding her face into Kurau’s shoulder Kurisumasu managed to gasp.

“Welcome home, Kurau.”

And around them the lights continued their twirling dance over the water.